Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
