the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
where are my eyebrows?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
