Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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