On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
