Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
