Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize