worst night to have a conscience
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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