Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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