everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
