Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
