Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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