yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
