My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Someone shattered a urinal.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
