Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The power of my boobs compel you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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