Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
