...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
