thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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