Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
