Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i drank out of a bidet.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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