Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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