and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
