I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
