I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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