Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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