So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
