Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you had me at cake vodka
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
