sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize