Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
