4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
