The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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