They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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