i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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