just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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