hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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