Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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