i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
