Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
