It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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