every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
