it hurts more in the daytime
we made out on top of his cat.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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