Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
