If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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