Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
did i walk over a car last night?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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