Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize