yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
