I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize