I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
