you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
