last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
