you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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