some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
