I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
