Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
