Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize