Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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