somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
