Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
