i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
