...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
