I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
