Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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