I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
