He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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