just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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