I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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