you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
