An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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