Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
