Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
