that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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