I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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