If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
