i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
