Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
